"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the
renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will
of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" Romans 12:2
What is good and acceptable and perfect? For so long I was convinced that loving the Lord and going to church and 'being a good person' was good and acceptable and perfect. And I even was certain that because I was doing those things that God had 'blessed' me with a wonderful husband, healthy children, financial abundance, a beautiful home, etc......How nice of Him. After some serious reflection (spawned by a mirror which revealed some serious ugliness in me) I realized that this 'kingdom' I had built was upside down. I prayed. Like, really prayed. Until it hurt. So difficult to realize how gross we are when we conform to this world.
I asked God to tear me down. To show me what He intended for my life. God, He's pretty clever. He didn't do it all at once. Oh, no. That would've freaked me right the heck out. This process is one of growth, change and sanctification. As it is written in 2 Corinthians "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" Now, does this mean that if we are with the Holy Spirit that we are automatically perfect? No. That is too easy. You see, the enemy, our flesh and selfish ways are always trying to lead us from Christ. Convince us of a better way. That is when you turn to God and ask Him for the path of righteousness. And boy, did he ever speak to me. ADOPT.
There are so many facets to adoption. It is God's creation. WE are ALL His adopted sons and daughters.
Romans 8:14-16 -For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.
So, I read all of the passages in the Bible where God tells us that adoption is what he considers pure and faultless religion, being father to the fatherless.... Great, I'll be obedient and adopt. Sten, you're on board, right? Sure.
Ha! How feeble is my understanding? Little did I know that God didn't intend to build me up through the process of adopting Marra Frehiwet, but rather TEAR ME DOWN... what? Does He do that?
Through our journey to adopt Marra, we experienced trials like no other. A supernatural virus that attacked my body and landed me in the hospital for a cumulative 40 days. A neck injury that I am still in physical therapy for and then, to round it out, a battle for Marra's US visa that could've been written for a Lifetime movie.
We learned that in trusting God, you remove yourself from the equation. You can no longer consider how all of the pieces will fall into place. You just act on your knowledge that God will never desert you. He will never lead us to it without leading us through it. Got it? Yup.
Explain that to a mama and daddy who, already two months late in bringing their precious daughter home from Ethiopia then get a big, fat, scary email from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services stating that the facts of your daughter's case don't add up and that you must do the following before they allow you to come get her: Find her birth mom. yeh. Find her birth father. uh huh. and prove that they cannot or will not parent her. suuuuure. Then, change ALL of the documents in the court system that have thus far been provided to them to reflect the true facts of the case. gotcha. WHAT? How in the name of all that we believe in are we supposed to do that? Day 1 after the letter, the agency we hired to DO ALL OF THIS from the start and failed are now slithering like snakes under the nearest rock! Ugh.
Well, here's what we did. We laid on our living room floor and bawled our eyes out. And then we prayed. God spoke to me to clearly in those days. Go and trust me..... And then we hired a kick-butt attorney (Thank you, Kelly Enslin!) and I hopped on a plane to Ethiopia with the phone number of a private investigator in my pocket and set out to do what was asked of us. Find Marra's birth mom.
That private investigator turned out to be one of the most godly men I have ever had the blessing of meeting. Ephrim knew everything about everything. We prayed. We shared. God opened every stinking door we came to. Literally. Need eyewitnesses, boom, one approached us in the hospital court yard, he knew exactly why this white lady was there. He knew. Another God-loving man. Need documents, bam! Here they are! Oh, you need to meet her birth mom, whoa, what a coincidence, she just happened to show up here today after being missing for weeks. God, you are so clever! In three short days in a town of 88,000 ppl with no internet, shoddy cell service and few of the conveniences known to investigators here, we gathered every piece of evidence we needed to prove Marra's orphan status. It was there all along. God just knew we needed to know about all of if. You see, prior to getting that scary letter from USCIS, our child's story was blank. She had no story. Now she does. Had it all gone through smooth and we brought her home when WE PLANNED, Marra would never see the face of the woman who cared so much about her that she offered her a better life than she could give. Now we have pictures. I held her birth mom in my arms and together we cried. Tears pass by all language barriers. We understood each other. It was the most raw moment of my life. I am so thankful for the pain we endured by trusting God's plan.
It is not easy to remove your expectations from your own life. Think about it. Giving your life totally over to God's will. It is scary. In the past year, since I have committed myself to His will, I have quit my job which I loved so dearly, I pulled two of my kids from school to home school them (something I NEVER imagined I would ever do!) and have spent the past ten months learning, yes learning to love a child who we fought so hard to bring into our family. Adoption is not at all about what you see (the child's face surrounded by a mom, dad and siblings) but rather about everything you DONT see. The pain that exists in the spirit of a one year old from being abandoned at 6 weeks of age. That's real. Overcoming that pain is where adoption defines beautiful. Marra grieves in ways she can't even express. We have come so far with her. She now actually recognizes when she has hurt herself, she cries, she comes to us for kisses to make it better. When she first came home, pain didn't register. Why should it? No one to make it all better. THIS is when we stand back in awe of God's plan for adoption. redemption. healing. A child that had to learn to snuggle. It wrecks you the day your child, who you love beyond explanation, finally snuggles into you to be rocked instead of diving for her crib. THAT is what it is all about. Rebuilding. Restoration. God's love.
Thanks for allowing me to share my heart. We are continuing to trust God's plan for our family.
~Amy
What is good and acceptable and perfect? For so long I was convinced that loving the Lord and going to church and 'being a good person' was good and acceptable and perfect. And I even was certain that because I was doing those things that God had 'blessed' me with a wonderful husband, healthy children, financial abundance, a beautiful home, etc......How nice of Him. After some serious reflection (spawned by a mirror which revealed some serious ugliness in me) I realized that this 'kingdom' I had built was upside down. I prayed. Like, really prayed. Until it hurt. So difficult to realize how gross we are when we conform to this world.
I asked God to tear me down. To show me what He intended for my life. God, He's pretty clever. He didn't do it all at once. Oh, no. That would've freaked me right the heck out. This process is one of growth, change and sanctification. As it is written in 2 Corinthians "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" Now, does this mean that if we are with the Holy Spirit that we are automatically perfect? No. That is too easy. You see, the enemy, our flesh and selfish ways are always trying to lead us from Christ. Convince us of a better way. That is when you turn to God and ask Him for the path of righteousness. And boy, did he ever speak to me. ADOPT.
There are so many facets to adoption. It is God's creation. WE are ALL His adopted sons and daughters.
Romans 8:14-16 -For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.
So, I read all of the passages in the Bible where God tells us that adoption is what he considers pure and faultless religion, being father to the fatherless.... Great, I'll be obedient and adopt. Sten, you're on board, right? Sure.
Ha! How feeble is my understanding? Little did I know that God didn't intend to build me up through the process of adopting Marra Frehiwet, but rather TEAR ME DOWN... what? Does He do that?
Through our journey to adopt Marra, we experienced trials like no other. A supernatural virus that attacked my body and landed me in the hospital for a cumulative 40 days. A neck injury that I am still in physical therapy for and then, to round it out, a battle for Marra's US visa that could've been written for a Lifetime movie.
We learned that in trusting God, you remove yourself from the equation. You can no longer consider how all of the pieces will fall into place. You just act on your knowledge that God will never desert you. He will never lead us to it without leading us through it. Got it? Yup.
Explain that to a mama and daddy who, already two months late in bringing their precious daughter home from Ethiopia then get a big, fat, scary email from the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services stating that the facts of your daughter's case don't add up and that you must do the following before they allow you to come get her: Find her birth mom. yeh. Find her birth father. uh huh. and prove that they cannot or will not parent her. suuuuure. Then, change ALL of the documents in the court system that have thus far been provided to them to reflect the true facts of the case. gotcha. WHAT? How in the name of all that we believe in are we supposed to do that? Day 1 after the letter, the agency we hired to DO ALL OF THIS from the start and failed are now slithering like snakes under the nearest rock! Ugh.
Well, here's what we did. We laid on our living room floor and bawled our eyes out. And then we prayed. God spoke to me to clearly in those days. Go and trust me..... And then we hired a kick-butt attorney (Thank you, Kelly Enslin!) and I hopped on a plane to Ethiopia with the phone number of a private investigator in my pocket and set out to do what was asked of us. Find Marra's birth mom.
That private investigator turned out to be one of the most godly men I have ever had the blessing of meeting. Ephrim knew everything about everything. We prayed. We shared. God opened every stinking door we came to. Literally. Need eyewitnesses, boom, one approached us in the hospital court yard, he knew exactly why this white lady was there. He knew. Another God-loving man. Need documents, bam! Here they are! Oh, you need to meet her birth mom, whoa, what a coincidence, she just happened to show up here today after being missing for weeks. God, you are so clever! In three short days in a town of 88,000 ppl with no internet, shoddy cell service and few of the conveniences known to investigators here, we gathered every piece of evidence we needed to prove Marra's orphan status. It was there all along. God just knew we needed to know about all of if. You see, prior to getting that scary letter from USCIS, our child's story was blank. She had no story. Now she does. Had it all gone through smooth and we brought her home when WE PLANNED, Marra would never see the face of the woman who cared so much about her that she offered her a better life than she could give. Now we have pictures. I held her birth mom in my arms and together we cried. Tears pass by all language barriers. We understood each other. It was the most raw moment of my life. I am so thankful for the pain we endured by trusting God's plan.
It is not easy to remove your expectations from your own life. Think about it. Giving your life totally over to God's will. It is scary. In the past year, since I have committed myself to His will, I have quit my job which I loved so dearly, I pulled two of my kids from school to home school them (something I NEVER imagined I would ever do!) and have spent the past ten months learning, yes learning to love a child who we fought so hard to bring into our family. Adoption is not at all about what you see (the child's face surrounded by a mom, dad and siblings) but rather about everything you DONT see. The pain that exists in the spirit of a one year old from being abandoned at 6 weeks of age. That's real. Overcoming that pain is where adoption defines beautiful. Marra grieves in ways she can't even express. We have come so far with her. She now actually recognizes when she has hurt herself, she cries, she comes to us for kisses to make it better. When she first came home, pain didn't register. Why should it? No one to make it all better. THIS is when we stand back in awe of God's plan for adoption. redemption. healing. A child that had to learn to snuggle. It wrecks you the day your child, who you love beyond explanation, finally snuggles into you to be rocked instead of diving for her crib. THAT is what it is all about. Rebuilding. Restoration. God's love.
Thanks for allowing me to share my heart. We are continuing to trust God's plan for our family.
~Amy
tears my friend, this is so beautiful
ReplyDelete