So, wow! Here it is a cold, rainy morning on October 1st. A day that a month ago I would have said with 100% certainty would be spent cuddling with Frehiwet, playing, feeding, taking pictures to share here....nope. Not today. She is still in Ethiopia and we are still here, waiting.
This past week was particularly difficult. I learned so much about myself. Some things not so pretty. We got news from the embassy that our paperwork was still not correct, denied for the third time....and I jumped to conclusions. A previous judgement of someone combined with my fear, anger and frustration led to desperate accusations. I was wrong. I doubted my agency. I shouldn't have. I lost faith. I knew better.
After a week of emotional extremes and a conference call with 24 of my adoption BFFs and our fearless CHI team...I feel better, we feel better. (sorta) What it boils down to is this: I grew weak in my faith and instead of trusting my agency, I didn't. The adoption process in ET is very muddy right now. Changes are occurring across the board and we are stuck right here in the middle of it all. Instead of ET putting a moratorium on adoption while these changes are being instituted, they have allowed them to continue to be processed. But, because the system is indeed changing, our process has been slowed considerably. New document requirements, very poor communication from government agencies and the culture and conditions that are Ethiopia are all the reasons why we are sitting here, waiting.
So, while I can do nothing to change any of those things, I CAN change my perspective. Up until now, my recent days have consisted of waking at all hours of the night to check my email for any word on our case our of ET. That pattern continues throughout the day, refreshing my gmail every 20 minutes. Chatting with CHI friends on FB about what they have heard, stalking blogs, you get the picture. Being totally ruled by my need for any positive sign, any bit of evidence that we still have a chance to get cleared! Those things are happening. People are getting cleared. They are bringing their precious babies home. We are getting closer. But, I am growing weak. SO........
I have challenged myself to go "tech-free" next week...meaning: I am taking FaceBook and Gmail off of my phone so I can no longer obsess about the latest bit of information. I am vowing to "unplug from fear" and "plug into faith"....God knows the past, present and future. DUH! He knows when this is all going to happen. When the perfect time for us to reunite with our baby is....HE KNOWS, so why do I need to worry? I plan to re-engage in my life. Knock off items from my to do list. Dust my stinkin wood blinds!! Finish painting the basement! Clean out closets! Clean my refrigerator (gag)!! Read a romance novel! Basically, distract myself. Sure, I will check my email. But I have vowed to check it in the morning and at the end of the day. I have to stick to this. I am going nuts by my own behavior.
If I learned anything from our CHI conference call yesterday it was this: We will have Marra Frehiwet home the same time if I stress and obsess or if I chill and wait patiently. Freaking out is not going to bring her home sooner.
Our lives are about to be rocked! A BABY will be here soon and I need to have myself in order...so I can be the best new momma, best old momma, best wife and renewed in my faith once she is here.
This past week was particularly difficult. I learned so much about myself. Some things not so pretty. We got news from the embassy that our paperwork was still not correct, denied for the third time....and I jumped to conclusions. A previous judgement of someone combined with my fear, anger and frustration led to desperate accusations. I was wrong. I doubted my agency. I shouldn't have. I lost faith. I knew better.
After a week of emotional extremes and a conference call with 24 of my adoption BFFs and our fearless CHI team...I feel better, we feel better. (sorta) What it boils down to is this: I grew weak in my faith and instead of trusting my agency, I didn't. The adoption process in ET is very muddy right now. Changes are occurring across the board and we are stuck right here in the middle of it all. Instead of ET putting a moratorium on adoption while these changes are being instituted, they have allowed them to continue to be processed. But, because the system is indeed changing, our process has been slowed considerably. New document requirements, very poor communication from government agencies and the culture and conditions that are Ethiopia are all the reasons why we are sitting here, waiting.
So, while I can do nothing to change any of those things, I CAN change my perspective. Up until now, my recent days have consisted of waking at all hours of the night to check my email for any word on our case our of ET. That pattern continues throughout the day, refreshing my gmail every 20 minutes. Chatting with CHI friends on FB about what they have heard, stalking blogs, you get the picture. Being totally ruled by my need for any positive sign, any bit of evidence that we still have a chance to get cleared! Those things are happening. People are getting cleared. They are bringing their precious babies home. We are getting closer. But, I am growing weak. SO........
I have challenged myself to go "tech-free" next week...meaning: I am taking FaceBook and Gmail off of my phone so I can no longer obsess about the latest bit of information. I am vowing to "unplug from fear" and "plug into faith"....God knows the past, present and future. DUH! He knows when this is all going to happen. When the perfect time for us to reunite with our baby is....HE KNOWS, so why do I need to worry? I plan to re-engage in my life. Knock off items from my to do list. Dust my stinkin wood blinds!! Finish painting the basement! Clean out closets! Clean my refrigerator (gag)!! Read a romance novel! Basically, distract myself. Sure, I will check my email. But I have vowed to check it in the morning and at the end of the day. I have to stick to this. I am going nuts by my own behavior.
If I learned anything from our CHI conference call yesterday it was this: We will have Marra Frehiwet home the same time if I stress and obsess or if I chill and wait patiently. Freaking out is not going to bring her home sooner.
Our lives are about to be rocked! A BABY will be here soon and I need to have myself in order...so I can be the best new momma, best old momma, best wife and renewed in my faith once she is here.
Thanks Amy for your perspective and for typing this. I can't imagine being in limbo for a bit.....All of you are trailblazing the paths for us as well, on the waiting list. I pray for you next week as you keep your commitment. It is hard to be way down on the waiting list and see a bunch of turmoil.....makes me think "uh oh, what did we get ourselves into?"....But like you said, God knows and He is on our side. HE is on the side of Marra Frehiwet and He is on our future daughter's side as well. If God is for us, who can be against us? Appreciate the post.
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