For the First Time

Well, as you may or may not know, we got our long awaited MOWA letter on 8/12 and then received our decree a week or so later....Frehiwet's birth certificate was created, then her passport, and finally, she had a medical exam at the American Embassy in Addis....all of that in order to be submitted to the American Embassy for approval of a visa and then we get to go bring her home!
Sounds great, right? Well, except for this : the American Embassy is now feeling pressure to scrutinize every single adoption case that comes their way. Well, of course! We absolutely want Frehiwet to truly have been an orphan and for there to  have been no lies told throughout this process. However, the USE is a day late and $20K short....in essence, the USE is now investigating an adoption case that has already been closed by the Ethiopian government. Has the full seal of approval and CAN NEVER BE REVERSED. When we were in Ethiopia for court, the judge asked us 5 questions. One of which was, "Do you understand that this adoption is final and can never be reversed?" So, The USE wants to ensure that the children they are allowing to enter the USA as citizens of this great nation were not trafficked and were true orphans before referral. That is great, except that if they were for some reason todeny Frehiwet a Visa, she would then remain in Ethiopia, never to have any family at all. In an orphanage, forever. The only way we could parent her would be to move to Ethiopia. Basically.
So, yesterday our case passed the pre-screening and was submitted to the US Embassy and now we wait. We wait to find out what other supporting documentation they would like to see in our case. ie another police letter, an interview, whatever they request. We and our agency will be notified via email as to what they are requesting. Then, CHI (Children's Hope) will work tirelessly to find and create whatever is asked of them. And then we wait some more. Each time we wait, we have been told, could be days or weeks, even.
            This is when I fall to bits and pieces. The wait was grueling before. When we were waiting for a referral, when we waited for court date and then waiting for our MOWA letter, but THIS, this wait is beyond grueling. It is a feeling I have never felt before. A feeling of absolute helplessness. One that has left an empty ache in my chest that just won't go away.
            I will admit to you right now that I am incapable of "faking it". I wear my heart on my sleeve and am the straightest of straight-shooters. What you see is what you get. And boy, is that not pretty right now.
           I am walking around in a daze as my busy world continues around me. Am I day-dreaming of this perfect little angel waiting for me? Sometimes. But really, what I am doing is nothing. I am numb. Stress that can be mobilized is healthy. Futile stress, the kind of stress that you can do nothing to alleviate at the source, is lethal. Seriously.  So what am I doing to survive so I don't get booted off the island?
       I am praying. Praying for God to grant me peace in this time of uncertainty. Praying that our case is miraculously in perfect order and nothing more is needed. Giving thanks to God for each of my children here. They are blessings to me and are keeping me from going completely off the deep end! I am trusting that the God who created me, knows every hair on my head and every pang in my heart, will guide me through this wait. We are all God's children. All his very own creation and he knows the exact plan for each of us. And I trust that plan. I have peace within that plan.
2Corinthians 12:19 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
I am taking every day moment by moment. Basking in God's love. Knowing that He knows what is best for me. Enjoying the company of my savior, Jesus Christ. May the glory and honor be His.