Things I've learned.

6 weeks out and these random things I've learned.


your senses are amazing memory keepers. soft curls on my face. scent of Freh forever in my midst. sound of giggles echo forever, if you listen.
enough tears fallen will leave white salt on your eyelashes, like a thick mascara.
a child, missing from the physical, leaves a feeling of vast emptiness as if one is enveloped by an unfamiliar, deafening hum. one the soul must maneuver around
you can cry enough that you need neosporin under your eyes.
the Holy Spirit will literally carry you through the darkest of days
i'd give anything to have a day with only toddler conversation.
i've memorized the scent of each of my children.
sympathy cards eventually stop coming in the mail.
i can't make small talk anymore.
true friends hop on planes, drive all night, write poems, bring Rita's, cry with you, crawl in bed to hold you, change their own perspective on life, pray without ceasing, call or text everyday.
my heart is forever in ethiopia
i wish i could have a baby, probably a blessing that I can't.
my husband has incredible faith
my kids need me because they are experiencing the worst thing in their lives
corn crops are a fine example of godly obedience. They use what they are given. They grow, change and bear fruit. hmmm.
desserts will never make you happy.
i hate driving in the van now.
it takes great strength to sit at the kitchen table and eat. my lap, so empty.
morning comes after every night, despite my hurt.









 

Sisters

Thinking so much today about these two sisters. Mihret was so excited to learn that she had a little Ethiopian sister waiting for her in America. They Skyped once while we were in Ethiopia. But they will never hug or kiss or giggle together here in this world. Please pray for us as we prepare our hearts and words to tell her that Frehiwot is in Heaven now. Pray that she won't be afraid and that she will come to learn how much we loved Frehiwot by how we show her our love. Pray that we can supernaturally be filled with joy and peace and abounding love before this next trip so that Mihret gets all that she so desperately needs from us. From these two pictures you can see that these two girls have been blessed with the same beautiful, resilient spirits. Seeing them next to each other brings me peace and comfort.

—

Family

When we received Miheret's referral in January, we learned that she has a 12, almost 13 year old brother. We knew that he was living with family, but that was all we knew. He was on my heart, in my thoughts and in my dreams daily. So much so that we had our paperwork changed to allow us to adopt 2 children up to age 15, just in case.... I prayed a LOT about him and something in my intuition was telling me that we should definitely go visit him when we got to Ethiopia.
So we did. After we went to court on May 8, we traveled a short drive to visit Miheret's brother ("S" for now) and her uncle. It was a rainy, VERY muddy day. We arrived and met the family one by one. The uncle was very happy to meet us. He showed us pictures of Miheret and her brother when they were toddlers. We talked of their birth parents and what led to her being orphaned. It was a lovely visit. Then we met "S", Miheret's only brother. I cried. He cried. It was a magical moment that I will remember forever. It was evident during that meeting that "S" needs us. He is our daughter's brother and has no mother or father. This is us, telling you that we are adopting TWO children. Miheret AND her brother will be joining our family, forever.
His process is behind in the paperwork circus, as I refer to it. So, he will be a few months behind in coming to America. Please pray that we can go to court and give our consent to the judge while we are in country bringing Miheret home. It will save us a trip to Ethiopia and thousands of dollars!
We are so excited how this has worked out. We were able to come home from Ethiopia and tell Frehiwot that she was getting her "seester Miheret" AND a "brudder", too. I know that she is watching all of this unfold with the same wonder and excitement that she brought to us every day. We look forward to sharing her memory with these two precious children who have such a special place in our family already!

Miheret's expression when she learned that she won't be separated from her brother!

Thank you for sharing in our joy! Stay tuned for FUNDRAISERS!!! (ahem, sheets and facebook-a-thon!)

Joy

Four weeks and one day. 29 days. 696 hours. 41,760 minutes. Time. Units of time that are desperately trying to heal this wound. Time. Does it heal ALL wounds? How does the passing of time make it easier to accept never holding your child in the safety of your momma chest? The echo of  giggles, singing and delight squeals? The empty morning routine? Never touching her soft skin, or sinking my face into those delicious curls...inhaling her smell? Time does not make these things easier. Time, that one constant in this ocean of grief, only fades those memories. Over time, instead of the taste of her sweetness being so fresh on my palate, it will be but a memory. A remembrance of a child who, for a time defined me. A memory. 
So, now I look to savor. To recall the tiny details. To absorb all that was my sweet baby. 

The moment that we learned that Freh was gone, that scene, you know, the stark white trauma center and the long-faced crisis team, waiting for the frantic, breath-holding parents....that moment, "I'm so sorry. Your daughter didn't make it." ....was the instant that my 'joy tank'...all of the joy moments of my life, related to Freh or not, rushed out of my soul and into a vast abyss. Empty. Hollow. Gone.
The precise intersection of life and death. We are left to live and she is dead. Or is she now living and we are left dead? 

For many days I was dead. Numb. Hollow. But now, I am seeing. Seeing so many things that mean life is still in me. I am still alive. I have laughed. I have cried. I have recognized joy in my life. I have wept at the ways God is right here. In His people. In His word. In His peace. Wept. As much for His faithfulness in this death makeover as the loss of my sweet baby. 

So does that mean that Freh is not living. If I am still alive, where does that leave her? I thought I had a good grip on my belief in life after death. Until my daughter died. No. My loving God would not do this. How could we work SO HARD. Literally go to the ends of the earth to bring her home only to have this awful, sick tragedy happen? How, God? I screamed and cried out to God. If the only answer you give me in all of this pain, let it be this? Why?

You hear the quote "May God give you a peace that surpasses all understanding", well, not until you are in such a dark place that makes no sense at all can you really receive that kind of peace. And I did. I was out on my early morning run and God spoke to me. Not in words, but in this blanket of peace. This is what He said, "Was it you who moved the mountains to find Freh's birth mother? Was it you who placed, at every turn, the witnesses you needed for evidence in her abandonment case? Was it  you who found Ephrim, your investigator who loves Me and trusts Me and bent with you, on dusty knee to praise me during the investigation? Was it you who matched Frehiwot with your family? Was it you who knew all the while that she would only live to be 4 days shy of 2 1/2? Was it you who gave her a personality so fitting to your family's? Was it you who bonded you together so beautifully? Was it you who made her so smart, giving you conversations so rich?" inhale. exhale. feet pounding asphalt. 
"No. Amy. It was ME. your GOD who knew from before Frehiwot was born, that she would be on earth but for a flash. It was ME who heard your prayer for a daughter in 2010 and saw her growing in her mother's womb. It was ME who brought you two together. It was ME who led you to Ethiopia to find the truth of her story. It was ME who moved those mountains and got her home to you. It was ME who wove together the beautiful tapestry of your love for her and her love for you."

These words are in my head, playing in a loop, every day. I trusted God with her adoption. I trusted God with her attachment. I trusted God with her life. I assumed it was a long life. It wasn't. But look at what he did! He gave her the BEST life. He changed us and put us on a Kingdom course that we would have never known. He drew me closest to Him than I had ever been. We don't say to each other "understand God", we say "Trust God." And I did. And I continue. I may never fully understand the depths and scope of God's plan in this. But I completely trust Him.

Balloon release held for 2-year-old struck, killed by car

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• Related: Toddler struck by car dies
• Related: 2-year-old struck by car dies

Posted: Wednesday, May 22, 2013 2:00 am

By Cara R. Anthony News-Post Staff | 1 comment

ADAMSTOWN — As a sea of balloons drifted away from a county baseball field on Tuesday, Amy Olsson and her husband, Sten, wept for their daughter, Frehiwot "Marra" Olsson.
The 2-year-old died Saturday at Johns Hopkins Hospital, where she was taken after being struck by a car at Heritage Farm Park in Walkersville.
Devastated by her death, the community has rallied around the family. Hundreds of people gathered Tuesday for a memorial service outside Carroll Manor Elementary School.
The service included an emotional balloon release.
"Go ahead and send them up to heaven for her, because we all know that's where she is," Amy said softly.
She had become tearful during the service as Kevin Heister expressed his sympathy. His wife, Kathleen, has been identified as the driver whose vehicle hit Marra on Saturday. Overcome with tears, he offered his condolences to the family.
"To Marra, sorry I never got to meet you, but you will always be in my thoughts and prayers," Kevin Heister said. His wife, Kathleen, did not attend the service, but the families have met privately in an effort to begin the healing process, Kevin Heister said.
Kathleen Heister was turning left toward the park exit when she heard a noise as the toddler ran into the passenger side of her SUV and fell to the ground. She stopped immediately when she realized she had struck the child, police said.
"This is family," Perry Perret said. "The Olssons are our family, the Heisters are our family."
Perret is vice president of the the Carroll Manor Recreation Council. The organization hosted Tuesday's memorial service, where parents and young athletes paid tribute to Marra. Green, red and yellow balloons were released, the colors of the Ethiopian flag, to honor Marra's roots. The couple adopted Marra in January 2011, but she didn't arrive in Frederick until January 2012, Sten Olsson has said.
"In a short life, she left a great legacy," said Randy Cole, president of the Carroll Manor Recreation Council.
Cole helped to organize the memorial service. The Olsson family has been involved with the council's lacrosse program, making them a part of "the Carroll Manor family," Perret said Tuesday.
"You guys are carrying us through this, otherwise I don't know how we could do this," Sten Olsson said at Tuesday's service.
Prayers of peace, strength and comfort continued throughout the brief service, which included a moment of silence. Green, yellow and red streamers flew in the wind along with an American flag flown by the Carroll Manor Fire Co.
The fire company's ladder truck doubled as a flagpole as Sten Olsson thanked rescue workers for doing "everything they could" after his daughter was struck on Saturday.
He also thanked the community for participating in the Tuesday service. Homemade Ethiopian flags, small signs and a sea of colors transformed the baseball field into a oasis of support.
"I have to tell you this is the ministry of presence," Cole said. "This scene right here says it all."
The family will receive friends today from 1 to 3 p.m. and 6 to 8 p.m. at Stauffer Funeral Home, 1621 Opossumtown Pike.
A memorial service will begin at 11 a.m. Thursday at Mountain View Community Church, 8330 Fingerboard Road. Lunch at the Urbana Volunteer Fire Co. will follow.
Private burial will be at Resthaven Memorial Gardens after lunch. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the Patty Pollatos Fund Inc.

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Toddler struck by car dies

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Toddler struck by car dies

Posted: Tuesday, May 21, 2013 2:00 am | Updated: 10:53 am, Tue May 21, 2013.

By Pete McCarthy and Brian Englar News-Post Staff pmccarthy@fredericknewspost.com benglar@fredericknewspost.com | 0 comments

A Frederick toddler struck by a car at a Walkersville park over the weekend has died, according to Maryland State Police.Frehiwot Olsson, 2, died Saturday at Johns Hopkins Hospital, where she was taken after being struck at Heritage Farm Park earlier in the day.
Born in Ethiopia, Frehiwot was also known by her adoptive family as Marra.
"She's loved by so many, and she touched so many lives," her mother, Amy Olsson, said during a telephone interview Monday night. "Adoption is such a beautiful, redemptive thing. We are finding so much comfort in her story alone and knowing that we had her for these months that we did, and to give her a family, we feel so blessed. That's what is carrying us through."
The girl's father, Sten, said Frehiwot had a difficult start to her life.
She was abandoned by her birth mother in Ethiopia, he said. They adopted her in July 2011, but she didn't arrive in Frederick until January 2012, Sten said.
"It was just a very long and arduous process," Sten said. "She really changed us a lot. All the time we got to spend with her in the last year and a half was just very special time. She lit up our whole lives."
The family is adopting another girl from Ethiopia, he said.
Frehiwot knew her alphabet and how to count to 10 in Spanish, Sten said. She also liked to joke around.
"She was just a very caring little girl, and loving, and playful," he said.
Police said the girl had just arrived at the park when she got out of the car through a rear passenger door and ran before her father could secure her.
"It was just a horrific perfect storm," Amy said.
She said their daughter was excited to see her brothers play lacrosse and that's why she took off running.
A Honda Pilot driven by Kathleen L. Heister was turning left toward the park exit when she heard a noise as the child ran into the passenger side of her SUV and fell to the ground. She stopped immediately when she realized she had struck the child, police said.
The Carroll Manor Recreation Council will hold a short memorial service for Frehiwot at 5:55 p.m. today before the scheduled baseball games at the Carroll Manor Elementary School fields, according to Perry Perret, council vice president. Those interested in attending are asked to be at the field at about 5:30.
Part of the ceremony will involve releasing balloons in the colors of the Ethiopian flag, Perret said.
Perret said the Olsson family has long been involved with the council through the lacrosse program.
Recent nationwide statistics show that 2-year-olds are the most likely of all children under 10 to be killed in crashes where they were not riding in a vehicle, which include those where the child was either walking or on a bicycle.
In 2011, the most recent year for which figures were available, 158 children under 10 died as a result of such crashes, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Of those, 32 were 2-year-olds, 12 more than the next highest age group, 3-year-olds.
In 2010, 38 of the 224 children under 10 killed were 2-year-olds, also the largest group among those fatalities. Two children under 10 died from such crashes in Maryland in both 2010 and 2011, neither of whom was 2 years old.
The family will be receiving friends at Stauffer Funeral Home Wednesday from 1-3 p.m. and 6-8 p.m. The funeral home is located at 1621 Opossumtown Pike.
A memorial service will be held Thursday at 11 a.m. at Mountain View Community Church, located at 8330 Fingerboard Road. Lunch at the Urbana Volunteer Fire Co. will follow.
A private burial will follow lunch at Resthaven Memorial Gardens.
Follow Brian Englar and Pete McCarthy on Twitter: @brianenglar, @FNP_Pete.

It was a joyous day on Monday, May 6th to FINALLY meet Miheret! We were dropped off at the Transition House and there she was! She was a tiny bit bashful at first, but then she ran straight to us and wrapped herself around us so tight. We all cried and laughed and cried some more! She is an incredible child. Smart, kind, loving, tender, physically coordinated and did I mention beautiful?!!
Our trip was an emotional one and we have so much more to share. But I am recovering from an awful virus and just can't sit at the computer any longer. Love to you all. Amy